Men and women can feel a shift in libido from time to time, with Psychology Today citing that resentment towards a partner is a major factor in feeling lacklustre about engaging in any funny business. In fact, there are various reasons as to why you’re not acting sprightly in the bedroom.
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Stress is most definitely a mood killer – and life stressors can hit us at any angle.
From relationship woes to financial troubles, illnesses, work and fatigue, finding the time – and energy – to focus on your body and partner in tandem could be the last thing on your mind.
Kate Moyle, a sex expert for LELO – a company that specialises in pleasurable toys – told The Express: “Sex lives need nurturing. They won’t just change or improve on their own. The couple needs to make a commitment to doing or trying something new together.
“I often talk to couples about trying to change one thing each time that they have sex, and this could be as small as starting with clothes on or off, taking the bedding off and making a bed on the floor, lights on or lights off, trying a new position, using lubricant or not, introducing a sex toy, giving a massage – the list is endless.
“Couples can make it work however they want to, but the point being that routine can be a real passion killer and so mixing it up even in the smallest of ways can be a very useful tool.”
The key message Kate really wants to hammer home is that open and honest communication is key – as well as the delivery.
“If you aren’t able to share with your partner about what you would like, what you don’t like, and are open to trying, then you won’t be able to feel comfortable introducing new ideas.
“Always lead with a positive when having these conversations, ‘I really like it when we…’, ‘Remember that amazing time we tried…’. If you start from a point of criticism, ‘This isn’t good enough’, or, ‘I’m not really happy with…’, then what you will be met with is defensiveness.”
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Echoing Kate’s words, Psychology Today also pin-points “anger at a partner for being overly critical” as a factor that can dampen sexual desire.
In essence, LELO sex expert Kate states that all long-term partnerships will come up against challenges, “but it is how they approach and manage these that can actually make the biggest difference to a sex life and relationship, rather than the challenge itself”.
Adding that making the effort to improve your sex life is “an investment in yourself” and is best seen as “a positive”.
If the relationship between yourself and your partner is magical, and you really can’t fathom as to why that sizzling feeling just isn’t there, the NHS may have some answers for you.
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For those in the twilight years, the NHS suggests that out-of-whack hormones may have a critical part to play.
In menopausal women (just before, during and after), lower levels of the sex hormones oestrogen and testosterone could be the culprits.
As for men, low levels of testosterone could prevent their manhood from standing tall.
Even side effects of certain medicines can mess up with that I-want-you-right-now feeling.
Dr Becky Spelman, Psychologist and Clinical Director of Private Therapy Clinic, said: “For women in or approaching menopause, a course of hormone replacement therapy (HRT) can help.”
Dr Spelman also factors other social factors that could lower sexual desire. “Middle-aged people are often caught between the demands of children, who are going through their difficult teenage years, and older parents who need help—while frequently also at the peak of their careers.”
The NHS says you can get help and advice from a number of sources if you suffer from low libido.
Your GP may be able to offer some helpful advice or can refer you to a psychosexual therapist.
Relate offers telephone and online counselling, and Sexual Advice Association is a sexual health charity that has online factsheets about sex problems.
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