For weeks we’ve been told that the struggles of lockdown and restrictions will all be worth it when we ‘save Christmas’.
But now, it looks like that rescue mission might be unsuccessful.
Whether because of lingering worries about safety or due to rumours that London and the South East may be set to enter Tier Four, with travel and mingling banned, you may be facing the prospect of scrapping the Christmas plans you were so looking forward to.
Of course, other religious holidays have been victim to restrictions, and Christmas shouldn’t be viewed as the only disappointment.
But what’s especially difficult about all this is that for weeks the messaging has been muddled, with the reward of a relaxing of rules over Christmas held up as a light at the end of a tunnel.
It’s pretty crushing to have something that’s been keeping many of us going through tough times suddenly snuffed out.
How do we deal with the disappointment and lessen the effects cancelling our plans may have on our mental wellbeing?
Know that it’s okay to be crushed
Matt Hawkins, co-director of Compassion in Politics, says you’re not alone if the way the government has handled Christmas has left you feeling deflated.
‘Today’s announcement may well be necessary to stem the spread of this new highly virulent strain of Covid but it is likely to have a very serious impact on the mental wellbeing of so many who have already made their plans for Christmas,’ Matt tells Metro.co.uk.
‘The problem all along has been that the government has prioritised reopening the economy over the public’s mental and physical health – then as cases have inevitably risen they have had to impose strict measures at short notice.
‘It’s a recipe for anxiety, noncompliance, and a lack of faith.
‘The government should have been clear from the start that this was going to be a long and difficult fight but one where safety and caution would be their watchwords, rather than a desperate and futile attempt to take us back to “normality” too soon.’
Reframe the change in Christmas plans
Lilly Sabir, psychologist and member of the British Psychological Society, says it can be helpful to focus on the good that you’re doing, rather than getting caught up in all the things you’re missing out on.
‘Cognitive behavioural therapists and psychologists would advise all of us to deal with the disappointment of our Christmas plans having changed, due to the pandemic, by keeping optimistic and hopeful,’ Lilly tells us. ‘Transforming the way we are thinking about the holidays, changing how we think and feel about the restrictions is a great way to deal with how we feel.
‘So instead of feeling naturally disappointed tell yourself and others thoughts around feeling responsible, doing our bit for our nation, saving lives and stopping the spread of the virus.’
Arrange a different form of social contact
Okay, so you might not be able to get the train up to see your parents. That doesn’t mean you have to be completely cut off from them.
Arrange a Zoom call or even just a phone call to tackle feelings of loneliness over this week.
Talk to the people you feel you’re letting down
One of the big feelings around the sudden change in Christmas coronavirus restrictions is that you’re letting down the loved ones you planned to spend the day with.
You know that they know this is out of your control, but there’s still a strange sense of guilt in not heading to see your family over the festive period.
Mitigate this by talking with your family about why you’re making the decision not to come along, and explaining that you feel awful about this, but you’re looking forward to seeing them again soon, when it’s safe again.
‘Keeping and enforcing boundaries is never an easy situation for any of us especially in the midst of a pandemic,’ Lilly explains. ‘However, you can change feeling guilty by practicing thoughts around “I’m not letting anyone down, I am being responsible and helping each other by being safe, and it won’t be long before I can see you all but I can be patient and we can all stay healthy during this season”.’
Focus on the joy of a solo Christmas
Just because plans have changed, doesn’t mean you’re doomed to a terrible day free of all festivities.
Try to think about all the things you can do on the day that will still make you feel Christmassy, even if you’re stuck at home and unable to see loved ones IRL.
Make your living space festive and cosy, sort out your food plans for the big day (a solo Christmas means no sharing the Quality Street, after all), and think of things you can do that bring you genuine joy.
Consider a postponed Christmas
There’s no reason you need to do all the best bits of Christmas – exchanging presents, spending quality time with loved ones, eating massive amounts of food – on actual Christmas Day.
Chat with your loved ones about delaying your plans until it’s safe again, rather than cancelling Christmas entirely. The benefit of this is that you’ll have something to look forward to again, which can help to keep you going through tougher restrictions in Tier Four.
Up the self-care
It might feel silly to be so heartbroken over Christmas. Remind yourself that this disappointment is completely reasonable and there’s no shame in feeling rubbish.
It can help to think of it in terms of science. Lilly explains: ‘Negative emotions like disappointment can release stressful hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which make us feel upset and sad.’
You’re having a natural response to feeling like something was guaranteed, then having that snatched away.
Acknowledge however that feeling manifests, whether in the form of anger, sadness, or pessimism, and prioritise self-care now (don’t wait for Christmas) to look after your mental wellbeing, knowing just how important that is.
To talk about mental health in an open, judgement-free space, join our Facebook group, Mentally Yours.
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