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- Sex-toy addiction is a myth, sexologist Nikki Goldstein told Insider.
- Rather than view your vibrator as a crutch in your sex life, think of it as a tool that's taken your pleasure to a new level. After all, most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm.
- Instead of choosing between your partner and your vibrator, have a frank conversation about how the sex toy brings you pleasure. Tell your husband the toy isn't replacing him, but enhancing your sex life.
- Have a question for Julia? Fill out this anonymous form. All questions will be published anonymously. You can read more Doing It Right here.
- Visit Insider's homepage for more stories.
I always use my vibrator to masturbate and have noticed it helps me reach orgasm much better than masturbation without it.
Sometimes I also use my vibrator during penetrative sex with my partner, but I'm concerned I'll get addicted to it and won't be able to orgasm without it.
I don't want a sex toy to get in the way of intimacy with my husband, but I fear that will become the case if I consistently use it.
At the same time, the experience itself is always great when I use the vibrator, and I wish I didn't have to give that up.
What should I do?
– India
Dear India,
I'm so happy you've found a method of pleasure that works for you.
I'm also here to let you know that there's no cause for concern because there's no such thing as sex-toy addiction.
"Scientifically, addiction is often defined by tolerance and withdrawal. You might feel that you have a tolerance for a certain level of vibration, but you are not going to suffer from withdrawal symptoms if you stop using it," sexologist Nikki Goldstein, host of the podcast The Connection on Audible, told me.
Goldstein said that, in her experience, clients often get used to a specific sex toy like a vibrator so they rely on it to get off. But you shouldn't feel ashamed of that need.
When it comes to orgasms, everyone needs something a little different to get there, and for many women the key is clitoral stimulation.
In fact, a 2015 Cosmopolitan survey of 2,300 women between the ages of 18 and 40 found that only 15% of women were able to orgasm from penetrative sex alone.
That might be the case for you, too, so instead of viewing your vibrator as a crutch, reflect on how much the tiny tool has boosted your sex life.
If your main concern is a lack of intimacy during partnered sex, don't be shy about bringing your toy into the bedroom with your husband.
You should have a pre-sex conversation and explain to him how much more mind-blowing your orgasms are when you have your vibrator on hand. Be sure to stress that it's not a substitute for your husband, but a way to elevate your sex life and make it as pleasurable as possible for both of you.
"Incorporating a sex toy can be a simple way to help make things more pleasurable and interesting," said Goldstein. "A vibrator can't replace the touch, feel, intimacy, and connection with a human, but it can cause intense and stimulating pleasure."
As Insider's resident sex and relationships reporter, Julia Naftulin is here to answer all of your questions about dating, love, and doing it — no question is too weird or taboo. Julia regularly consults a panel of health experts including relationship therapists, gynecologists, and urologists to get science-backed answers to your burning questions, with a personal twist.
Have a question? Fill out this anonymous form. All questions will be published anonymously.
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